Thursday, 24 March 2011

‘Sheila’s (a) Waterfall’ and ‘Stand Up, Comedian’ by Joe England

A short while back, I entered a short story competition on the BBC website set by the legendary film maker David Lynch. Can’t remember what the prize was but the short story was to be no more that 150 words and had to contain the following – fire, water, bacon, closed, cold, organic.
          Here’s my effort (that didn’t win) and another poem.


Sheila’s (a) Waterfall

It was no surprise that the indoor fireworks experiment manifested into a spectacular blazing fire. Two choking gentlemen were rescued from a Victorian ground floor flat.
          “They (Mr Pimm and Mr Egbow) smelt like grilled fatty bacon,” said Freddie Kelp, the brother of Alfie Kelp, the renowned salesman of organic produce. “It’s amazing that these two gentlemen are alive,” added Freddie.
          And he had a valid point. Because even though the fire station was closed, as it was a Thursday, by an amazing stroke of good fortune – and not long after the moment where the indoor fireworks experiment had backfired – Sheila Fanbatt, who lived on the floor directly above, had unknowingly allowed her bath to overflow with the cold tap full on while chatting to another person on the phone. About nothing in particular.

Stand Up, Comedian

Is it a deliberate game
of shame
that you play
in the dark
when alone
on that stage

Or do you think
that what makes them
actually comes
from within you
is not stolen

But I know you
the real you
been on the receiving end
of your legendary foul moods
so many times

That’s why
I don’t find you funny
to me you will always be
a standing joke

© Joe England 2011

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